Will I feel comfortable having a doula?

Many women feel unsure about the idea of having a third person, such as a doula, present at such an intimate moment as birth.

I remember feeling exactly that way when I was choosing my own doula. I wondered: Will I feel comfortable having someone there while I am in pain, vulnerable and pushing my baby out? Will I somehow hold myself back because another person is in the room?

But something shifted when I met my doula.

Talking to her made birth feel both completely natural and incredibly special. Her knowledge and experience reassured me, and most importantly, I felt comfortable in her presence. During our antenatal visits, we had time to get to know one another, build trust and create a connection before labour even began.

Research also suggests that continuous doula support can improve women’s experience of labour, including greater satisfaction and, in some studies, shorter labour. But I think there is something that research cannot fully capture: the importance of finding the right doula for you. The right person does not feel like an extra person in the room. They can make the room feel safer.

For me, having someone there whose attention was centred on my wellbeing brought calm, reassurance and a sense that I could simply be myself. Rather than making me feel observed, her presence helped me feel less self-conscious and more able to surrender to the experience of giving birth.

It also allowed my husband to be more present with me. He did not have to feel that he should know what to do at every moment or carry the responsibility alone. He could support me as my partner, while our doula brought the experience and understanding of birth that neither of us had.

What I had initially worried would make birth feel less intimate actually did the opposite. Having the right doula created more space for intimacy, confidence and connection between me, my body, my baby and my husband.